building a spiritual framwork for children, by ken wilson

 

We live in a world that, for all its Toys ‘R Us and GapKids preoccupation with children, doesn‘t always address the spiritual needs of children. Perhaps we assume these needs can be met by the likes of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Mr. Rogers. Others think spiritual matters are best deferred until children come of age, perhaps so they can choose for themselves a spiritual path.

Within the church context, there is this tendency or kind of lethargic gravity that downgrades ministry to children as a necessary inconvenience; a kind of religious kinder care so that adults can get on with the really important stuff. All of these are signs that we could stand a clearer vision of the spiritual needs and capacities of children.

What better place to begin than the spiritual life of a child named Jesus? After all, Jesus came “in the flesh” in such a way as to reveal, among other things, our humanity to us. He was fully human—sharing the limitations and struggles of mortal flesh.

“Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. When he was twelve years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, ‘Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.’

‘Why were you searching for me?’ he asked. ‘Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?’ But they did not understand what he was saying to them.Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.”        Luke 2:41-52

This text makes it clear that by age twelve Jesus had an active, probing, fermenting spirituality. Mary and Joseph were not parents of Clark Kent asking him to do spot welding with laser-ray eyes. There is no indication from the New Testament that Jesus did any wonder-working as a child. He was certainly spiritually precocious, one might imagine, but he wasn’t supra-human in this regard.

When he said to Mary and Joseph, “Didn’t you know I had to be in my father’s house?” (2:49), they didn’t, actually. They were still mulling over strange circumstances and prophecies surrounding his birth. Fully human and fully divine, but his divinity still hidden….

The text even takes pains to show Jesus developing in the way kids do: “Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” (2:52) Wisdom, stature… not supernatural traits. Normal human development, in other words.

This hints at a normal adolescent-parent relationship. Mary is frustrated with him. She had a point; he didn’t go out of his way to let her know his plans—the normal adolescent push for independence? This is Jesus at twelve, a year shy of adulthood in his culture, but very much dependent still on his parents. Mary By age twelve, you know there are horrible things wrong with the world. By age twelve you’re facing the mysteries of life: sin, suffering, sickness, injustice, death.

We know that the Roman occupation force put down an insurrection when Jesus was a boy. Hundreds of rebels were crucified along the main road leading out of Nazareth, their bodies left to rot. All of this had an effect on Jesus, just as the news everyday has an effect on children today.

My friend Tyrone, at age twelve, was a young African American growing up in Detroit in 1967, the year of the riots. Coming to grips with the reality of racism, getting a little bit man-handled for no reason by a Detroit police officer… Tyrone tunes in to the message of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. In the midst of this rude awakening, Tyrone’s father dies suddenly.

By age twelve you need a spiritual framework for your life, don’t you? You need a framework for understanding sin, suffering, evil, injustice, death; a sense of values, a moral code, an understanding of who life is from and what it’s for, a vision for the future, a place to put your hope.

By age three you need a spiritual framework, don’t you? That was the age my daughter Grace learned that her beloved dog (Spice) had died and was being buried by her father out in the back yard. “What’s Dad doing?” she asked her mom. “Putting Spice in the ground? You mean, “Like poop!?” she asked, in bewilderment.

Around the same age, I remember playing with some newborn kittens in the living room, tossing them around with a neighbor friend, also age three. The next thing I know, my father is burying the kittens out in the back yard. We didn’t know our play would hurt the kittens, and now this. Objectively, my guilt was negligible—I acted in ignorance. But subjectively, I felt very wrong inside. Like all children, even young children, I needed a spiritual framework, one that could handle life and death, guilt and forgiveness, shame and freedom from shame.

Childhood isn’t just play time, or a rehearsal for real life as an adult. It counts! It’s real life. Research into what are called “Near Death Experiences” suggests that when people experience what is called a “life review” (often associated with a near had a tendency to want to control Jesus; he resisted that tendency in her (throughout the gospel narrative). These are normal human things kids and parents have to work out. Because Jesus is fully human, he did too.
By age twelve you’re thinking about the bigger issues in life. Maybe you’re not talking, but you’re thinking. Hormones start to kick in; one begins to notice the opposite sex; to think about life beyond the confines of home and family.

death experience), an awareness of deeds done in childhood is included in the review.

How did Jesus develop his spiritual framework? Again, it’s cheating to say, “Well he was the Son of God—he just had one!” That only trivializes the incarnation—the reality of “the word made flesh.”

From the earliest time, Jesus was raised with an awareness of God. Luke 2 records the circumstances of his birth, his dedication in the temple at age 8 days. He cut his teeth on Bible stories. Jewish festivals and holidays and Sabbath services all contributed to his knowledge of God.

Jesus was raised in the context of a spiritual community. His parents were not the only part of his spiritual formation. Even at his dedication, Simeon and Anna, older saints, spoke into his life. These words were treasured by Mary and no doubt retold to Jesus.

Jesus had teachers who helped him build a framework. Most towns in Israel at the time had schools for children—starting age 5 or 6, during the week, time off for summer.

This, by the way, is one of the critical functions of children’s ministry: a place where it’s normal to speak openly and naturally about God. Like the time Ben Balmer is acting out story of Joseph in Egypt. (Joseph is given dreams of a special destiny. His brothers become jealous, selling him as slave to Egypt. He rose to prominent service in Pharaoh house, under the oversight of Potiphar.) Ben is referring to Potiphar this, Pharoah that… Then gets mixed up in the telling and the kids say “Who?” “Potty-fart!” Ben replies.

They all had a good laugh. But those kids had reason to remember the story of Joseph. An important story, about God giving dreams for the future to kids, about sibling rivalry—that’s not a story for the future; that’s where those kids are living their lives now!

So what are the implications of all this?

First, childhood counts in kingdom perspective! We have a solemn responsibility before God to help children develop a spiritual framework for their lives. We will have to answer to God for our attention or lack of it to this.

Second, children need a spiritual framework from the get-go. As soon as they have an awareness of self, they need an awareness of God. As soon as they wonder who made the stars, they need an awareness of God. As soon as they’re old enough to be afraid, or worry, they need an awareness of God. As soon as they’re old enough to receive gifts, be thankful, they need awareness of God.

With the culture pushing tougher issues on younger kids (drugs, sex, media exposure… how many of you were concerned about guns in school?), children today, if anything, have a greater need sooner for an understanding and awareness of God.

As soon as they’re old enough to know right from wrong, they need an awareness of God. As soon as they’re making choices with their little wills, they need an awareness of God.

What do kids need to build a spiritual framework? They need what Jesus needed. Kids need parents who know God and are willing to share what they know with them. Kids need parents who are making God a priority in their lives.

It’s one thing to opt for a timid agnosticism that allows you to keep God at a distance, on the back burner.... It’s another thing to pass that on to your children.

Kids need avuncular figures to help them build a spiritual framework.
Someone from the adult world, in other words, but not a parent to this child, who pays attention, gives time, builds relationship, exerts an influence. Jesus had avuncular figures to help him build a spiritual framework. He needed them.

Think about the adults in your own life who played that role. I think of a particular Sunday School teacher. I think of one of my older sister’s boyfriends. How many of us feel as though we had too many of those influences? No, we had a craving for them, as do children today. By the way, children need men as well as women to help them build a spiritual framework. Scholars of the early church indicate that the early church drew disproportionately from the population of women. The same is true today in most churches. For whatever reason, and theories abound, there’s often a shortage of involved men. Certainly in the raising of children there is a shortage of involved men.

At the church I grew up in, I have to be honest with you and say that I can’t remember a significant influence from a man in the congregation, beyond my father and the minister.

Kids need small portions and frequent feedings. Like baby birds in a nest…. A little bit here, a little bit there; a craft, a fun activity, a lesson, a story from the Bible. Yes, some of it seems like child’s play and it is, but God has chosen to use play as a powerful influence in the raising of children. Any zoologist, any educator will tell you that child’s play is important business!

Kids need an intergenerational community of people making a place for them. At the Vineyard Church of Ann Arbor, it’s our aim to excel in every stop along the train of human development; to have a great nursery for the infants, where they can be well cared for; where parents can feel safe leaving their precious child in the care of another adult; where the love that we’re designed to experience even before we have the words or the concept can be experienced by those infants: love extended in Jesus’ name. To have a great pre-school, where young and impressionable children can begin to gain their early impressions of Jesus and his Church; to engage the active minds and bodies of school aged children with God’s help, the very best we can muster for and with them; to get them involved with small groups of their peers under the guidance of a caring adult leaders, as they continue to integrate an understanding of God into their growing worldview.

Children’s ministry is not designed to get the kids off by themselves, but to provide a setting where the needs of the children are paramount, and to facilitate safe and meaningful connections between children and caring adults of all ages. It’s those adult-child connections that make Children’s Ministry vital kingdom ministry.

Kids need a church where the synergy of looking forward, and reaching back is happening: a church where the older elementary students are looking forward to graduating into Youth Ministry, and where some of the students in Youth Ministry are reaching back to help out with students who want to get to where they are now. They need a church where there’s a viable option for young adults to follow Jesus, and for some of those young adults to help bridge the gap between adults and children in our segmented society. A church where young adults can see viable options for engaging as a student of Jesus who is married, or working in a particular field, or managing to raise children, or navigating mature singlehood with grace. And so on….

The responsibility of helping children build a spiritual framework for their lives lies squarely on the shoulders of the adults in any church community. Certainly, parents have a primary role to play. As a parent myself, however, I know that I absolutely depend on the support of a caring community, including other adults going out of their way for my children. My voice is less real to my kids if they don’t hear any echoes from others.

Sometimes the quirks in my personality give me blind spots in my parenting, so that my witness is insufficient or defective. That’s especially when I thank other adults involved in the life of my children. Married or single, parents or not, young or old… We all have a part to play in blessing coming generations. Adults who embrace this responsibility find themselves stepping into a stream of meaning and significance as deep as life itself.